Home

Driving home yesterday from Target (obviously), this song came on the radio.



I've loved this song for years, mostly because I've been able to relate to it at various stages of my life. When I went off to college, and missed my parents, it made sense. When I transferred to Kent State, the lyrics of this song helped me realize that I needed to be in Athens. I listened to this song as I drove to Charlotte for the first time, starting one life and leaving another behind. Tom thinks I'm crazy sometimes because when I'm going through something traumatic, I listen to music that reminds me how traumatic my current life situation is. He finds it counterproductive. I find it therapeutic.

When I heard this song yesterday, though, I heard it in a whole new way. And if anything, I may have been left with more questions than answers. The biggest one? What the heck is this "home" concept you speak of, Michael?

What constitutes "home"? And is there only one? Because I feel torn. As a kid growing up in Virginia, I was sure Richmond was home. Then my parents turned my world upside down and moved me to Hudson. Maybe that was supposed to be home? But it never really felt like it. Athens started to feel like home--but I knew it was only temporary, kind of like my summer home of Northern Virginia during my college years. I settled in Charlotte, confident that this would be home. But maybe not... I've spent a lot of years and effort (and gas money) trying to nail down exactly what "home" is, but I'm learning that it may be more complicated than just picking a spot on a map.

As we were walking out of Target yesterday, there was a teenage girl, probably about 16 or so, talking on her cell phone to a friend, excitedly making "last day of school" plans. I couldn't help but think to myself, "She looks happy. If we decided to stay here in Charlotte, maybe Libby could be that happy too." (Yes, these are the kinds of thoughts I torture myself with. I cannot help it.) But watching that teenage girl, I saw a glimpse of my own daughter, 16 years or so down the road. And it made me wonder--what do I want Libby's concept of "home" to be? When she thinks "home," do I want her to picture southern summers and days on the lake and her lifelong friends Maddie and Ethan? Or do I want "home" to conjure up thoughts of snowy winters and Sunday Browns games and weekends at Mimi and PopPop's?

When Tom and I left Ohio four years ago, I didn't miss it at all. All I wanted my whole life was to move south and I was doing it! Hooray for me! Tom was a bit more hesitant to leave his beloved Cleveland, but he will be the first to admit that he's a convert now. We are not leaving Charlotte because we're unhappy here--in fact, we love it here. The weather is beautiful, I can get to Target in 5 minutes and to the beach in 5 hours and perhaps my favorite thing is that there are more transplants than locals so there is this sense of community that screams "we're all in this together." Kind of how I imagine it was on the western frontier, in fact. Charlotte has been wonderful to us. Its where we started--where we worked our first jobs, bought our first house, had our first baby. Its the only "home" Libby has ever known.

But Ohio...Ohio is the places and people that made us who we are. I never dreamed I would want to go back (have you seen the weather there?!). But Ohio was our first "home," and for some reason, when Libby came into our lives, being in our first "home", surrounded by those familiar people and places, seemed a lot more important.

So I'm torn...because my version of "home," the one I had played out in my mind all those years as a kid, is the one I'm living right now here in Charlotte. But what I want for Libby is very different. And at the end of the day (or the song, in my case), I don't think I have any more answers than I have questions. I think we could be very happy in Charlotte, or Ohio or Wisconsin, for all that matters. Home can just as easily be the place you're going to as it can be the place you're coming from.

"Home is where one starts from?" Maybe... "Home is where the heart is?" Better... How about, home is where you are? Because whether it be a southern city on the water or a midwestern town in the snowbelt, these people and I?--

We can make a home anywhere.